Government arrest!

Na so government just dey arrest people anyhow. Left, right and center!

For Kano, dem arrest two dancers dem, say dem dey dance anyhow dey corrupt the people for kano state dem mind.

For Abuja, dem arrest one man wey dey write political things dem for internet. Na SSS arrest am, say the man dey give government wahala.

President dey shuffle and reshuffle all im government people dem. In fact, if e sack anybody at anytime.

Una do well

Presido don appear

Our president wey don dey miss for many days na, don surface. Some people say na Saudi Arabia im be dey hide, say im get some kain sickness dem. The man come show face, come sack some of im people join matter self.

Niger-Delta wahala still dey, dem dey commision one thing or the other every day.

Big brother don start again, and people don dey complain left, right and center.

Olympics end, Nigeria win small thing.

Una do well.

Summit runs!

Niger-Delta summit: Dem say dem wan gather all the "ITK"(I too know!)people dem for the country, make dem siddon yarn, find solution for all the wahala wey Niger Delta get. Na so oh, everybody dey put mouth for the matter, so tey one Gambari man wey suppose know book pass just comot e own hand for the matter. Dem still dey yarn dey go.

Grain theif: As scarcity of food reach poor man, na im government come distrubute grains dem make dem reach all those poor poor areas dem. Now, dem come find out say all those tonns of grains dem, no be poor man e reach oh. Na big big men dem, na im collect dem, come keep for house. Senators oh, emirs oh, governors oh...plenty plenty big man na im collect grain.

Warri wahala: All those useless warri youths dem, don dey fight again, dey disturb everywhere with their local guns dem.

Una do well

One year since President enter office

My people, na birthday we dey celebrate now oh. Presidon don land one year in office. Some people dey complain say nothing don happen since the man land.

Iyabo Obasanjo, our ex-presido daughter enter real hot peppersoup. Infact, dis tory na long one oh. Dem say she thief plenty money wey im suppose return. Na im all those efcc people com dey pursue am, na so the babe jump fence oh! Na so, she come be fugitive, small time na im she turn herself for police station. For the police station, na so she come dey request all sorts, air condition, pure water and other mede medes wey only all those rich people know. Anyway, dem don give am bail now. Na there tory end.

Two of our great musicians dem, don leave us. Make una pray for their families oh. Rest in peace, Sonny Okosuns and Steve Rhodes.

Una do well.

Money dey miss road anyhow!

Dem don sack some ministers because dem no wan return all their surplus money dem. Na over 300 million na im dey miss road, dey go christmas bonus and all other awoof plus longthroat projects dem for government. Na so money dey miss road so tey some of dem say na school work dem use the money do for ghana. Na wa.

Dem don sack governor of edo state say no be im win election. Dem come put one correct guy there, but na so tory come get k leg. Small time, na im dem talk say one commissioner dey miss for their state. Small time, dem find the commisioner dead body for one hotel. No be small thing oh, our police people dem dey investigate, tory never finish.

Ibori case still dey go on.

Dem never still find the plane wey miss for air.

Una do well

Armed robbers no dey allow people rest.

My people. Dem say armed robbers don take over Lagos. Na so those mad men dey rob people, rape women, dey cause all sorts of tribulation for dat country. No be small thing.

Dem say dem don find one pipe line for one of those militants dem house. The man dey use the thing dey do oil bunkery. Na the money from the bunkery business na im dem say im dey use buy guns for im boys dem.

Electricity still dey cause all kinds of wahala. Presido still dey try tackle the matter, e be like say im Chinese friends wan help am. Na wah. Na serious money na im go exchange hands for the thing.

Remain small, Imo state governor be wan beat one mother, with im pikins for car oh. Say na because the woman no clear way wey im and im entourage they blow siren for road.

All those their award shows, left, right and center still dey go on. Yellow carpet oh, red carpet oh, all of them dey.

Una do well.

No shaking, Presido still dey kampe

Ehen, dem don talk am. The court people dem, dem don talk say Yardy still dey kampe, say the other two contestants dem, make dem siddon for corner. For those of una wey no know wetin dey happen, make i give una gist. Dem talk say because of all those palaver dem during elections, say mr presido must to comot, but na na, the court people don talk say Presido must to continue im job. Presido self, happy for the matter come dey promise some more promises join the matter, say im go rule us well well, make we just dey wait to see. We dey wait.

Una do well.

Ibori and Igbenedion: Dem don waka!

Dem don grant the former governors for BENDEL, bail. Na Ibori represent Delta for prison, Igbenedion na im represent the Benin part. Anyway, dem don comot. Dem say dem don grant dem bail from prison. Me self, I shock. The one wey dem dey there na prison? place where generator, ac, carpet, chef self dey, na dat one dem call prison? Na wa oh! Anyway, dem go dey party dis night sha.

One yeye senator go do "kpali runs". Na one American woman im go marry because of "paper", pikin self, dey the matter.

Egypt win the African cup self. I salute them. Dem try.

Una do well.

Niger Delta and their wahala

This wahala no dey end, everybody dey "task" everybody to do something. MEND don talk say na them attack one kain base for shell come kill three navy men join. Dem don begin their wahala again because dem talk say nobody dey answer dem. Meanwhile one kain comittee for UN, come inspect the whole thing, their own conclusion be say na "trust" be the wahala. Laugh be wan kill me, before nko? Na today dem know say poor man no dey trust anybody ? I take God beg una!

Armed robbers: Na dem don take over Lagos and infact, na dem get Nigeria. Police no even fit battle dem ,all the guns dem, dem talk say Obasanjo brother in law don thief dem long time ago, so now, na hand dem dey take fight machine gun.

Football: Because of that useless match, people dey cry, dey vex, so tey one young man die self! Na wa oh, shebi una see the kain thing wey poor man don dey take serious? na the only thing wey dem get, and dat one self, don kpafuka!

Strike: Dem dey strike for all the courts dem.

Una do well.

Ghana 2-Nigeria 1

Okay, una know say I no know too much about football, but I go just write wetin my eye see. Na so football start, everybody just dey play, i just dey happy. Na so, we come get penalty, we come score, na Yakubu score the thing. Ehen, na so, we dey play, dey win dey go, until dat Essien man come equalize and na second remain oh for the half time, dat one come finish. We come enter second half, those Ghanians dey wild oh, see as dem just dey struggle, dey push, dey pull, all sorts, until one of dem come carry red card. Na so, i just dey happy, I think say na win be dat oh, ehen. But the Ghanians dem, one juju spirit just enter dem, na so dem just dey attack anyhow, so tey dem come shook hand for dat small boy eye, Obi Mikeal. Na so, oh, dem just dey vex anyhow, one Agogo man, dat man, just be like bulldozer,if you see im head alone, you go fear. Na so, the man just dey worry our goalkeeper anyhow, im worry dem so tey im come score im own, I say the juju spirit wey enter am ehn! Anyway, na so match dey go, Nigeria try oh! haba! dat Odimigwe, plus Yakubu, plus Taye, plus Shittu, infact all of dem try but dem no get the kain spirit wey enter those Ghanian boys dem. Anyway, na so our boys try well well, remain small self, dem for score. Anyway, na so match finish oh, i pity our boys sha, anyway, as everybody always dey get man of the match, the person wey make me laugh tire na dat our goal keeper,Ejide, the guy try no be small, dey fly left right and center, dey shout anyhow, I like am, na im get the kain juju spirit wey dem Ghana boys get.

Una do well.

Jobless woman

One jobless woman wan begin chase other women for "indecent" dressing, na so she talk. So, mama Rukevwe, all those ones wey u go dey expose breast wey u dey feed pikin, e don end be dat. The woman no get job for dat their senate house, na im make she self, find job for herself. Abeg make una give am job oh before dem catch mama Rukevwe.

Armed robbers here and there. Na for Port Harcourt dem strike again.

Sports: We thank God say we win Benin republic. Na two- zero we give dem, make dem carry go house. I don forget the people wey score the goals, but na sweet sweet ones, meself, I follow dance.

Presido wan commot immunity law

Presido don talk say dem go comot that law wey no dey allow police arrest all those wayo governors dem.

Dem still dey quarell for senate: Those ones just dey waste time and money, hissssssss, na the same quarell from yesterday.

Wetin else day? ehen, na so armed robbers just dey terrorise people for Lagos, na wa.

Una do well.

Wuru Wuru for Senate House.

All sorts of wahala. Dem say people wey dey do 419 self dey the house. Na so dem come dey fight, dey open each other nyash anyhow. Dis my country, una never chop reach?

Igbenedion: Dem don carry the wayo man put for court, dey read all the bad things wey im do dem. The list long from here till jericho!

Presido dey Obodo oyibo: The man and im wife just dey enjoy life for Switzerland, dey chop cheese and chocolate for that side.

Una do well.

Dem don increase their salary

All the big big men dem don increase their salary. Na big big money dem go get from now henceforth. Presido, ministers and the rest court people dem. Na wa oh, where dem wan chop dey go?

Obasanjo and im tory: Dem dey talk say make im comot for all im yeye posts dem, cos im dey immoral.

Na the tory for today, some kain small small news still dey but dem no hold water. Una do well.

Sports

Dem take light for Ghana stadium yesterday as Mali be wan play Benin republic, no be small thing, na so all the oyibo people dem come dey laugh us. Shame suppose catch us. Anyway, but the big news be say Ivory coast come win us. 1-0. Na wah.

The number one thing wey happen

Dem don catch dat governor wey dey run from police dem. Na the man self , carry imself go give them. Dem say the man thief plenty money from Benin People dem come dey spend am dey enjoy life for obodo oyibo. God don catch am. E be like say im go join im best friend Ibori, for prison. I go come with more tory, una do well